With Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) identifying emotions is an essential part of appreciating underlying needs. Meeting underlying needs is a key for creating understanding and peace in any relationship. This is especially true in families.
Emotionally Focused Family therapy is similar to emotionally focused therapy for couples (which has the best results of any couple therapy) in its detailed attention to emotions.
Human Beings are Wired for Attachment
It’s grounded in attachment theory and based on the work of psychologist John Bowlby. Human beings pursue relationships that create security and belonging. Our survival literally depends on it. A parent’s emotionally engaged presence makes all the difference between disconnection and security.
Throughout their young lives children and adolescents will reach out to their parents when they are in distress. If they experience parents as unavailable, it’s natural for them to feel isolated, scared, and anxious.
If a child’s attachment needs continue to be unmet within their family, they’ll seek to meet them in any number of other ways – like friendships, video games, and/or substance use (just to name a few). In any event, the lack of secure attachment bonds will create stress and anxiety within the whole family system.
Why are Emotions So Important?
Emotions are biology. They are hard wired in our brain and are meant to inform us about our environment. They provide immediate feedback. When used as a compass, they can provide us with a means of navigating any uncharted territory.
Emotions are either primary and secondary. Primary emotions are universal emotions, such as joy, anger, fear, sadness, surprise, and shame.
Unfortunately these emotions are frequently outside of people’s awareness. Secondary emotions are reactions. They help people get in touch with their primary emotions when they’re explored.
Interestingly, the word “emotion” comes from the Latin word, emovare that means, “to move.” As an EFFT therapist I often help my clients to reframe situations, especially by identifying stuck patterns, in order to help them move into new and more effective patterns of interaction.
Building Stronger Bonds Creates a Safe Base
If there is distress in a family it’s because somehow the attachment bonds that should provide support have somehow ruptured. Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, indeed, offers a practical, useful, and expedient means for building stronger and more empathic bonds between parents and their children.
We create a “safe base” when everyone feels seen, heard, and valued. From there we can more easily find creative solutions that work to meet everyone’s needs.
If you’d like to find out more, click the button below and schedule a free, 15-minute call with me. We’ll discuss how I may be able to help you and/or your family.