When the stresses of life build up to a certain point, who hasn’t had a moment when they felt “broken down” and cried? Martha Beck once said, “We don’t cry when we lose our hope. We cry when we find it.” You too can move from broken down to broken open, from hopeless to hopeful.
From Hopeless to Hopeful
That’s because there is always the possibility that after the breaking, we can open up more into who we are supposed to be – in the way that a butterfly breaks out of its chrysalis, or a chick hatches from an egg.
That’s not to say there’s no pain involved. In fact, the cracking of our shell can feel so painful we think we can’t bear it. Many of us try to shut it off by self-medicating or distracting ourselves with a million to-do’s.
Even if we stave off the pain, we are also keeping ourselves from experiencing the next phase of our life – the growth and transformation that is waiting for us if we can just accept the pain and sit with it long enough to hear its messages.
Lessons from the Spiritual Masters
For myself, I’ve learned that if I accept the pain and use the challenging events to grow, I find a place in my spirit that is powerful and can survive any difficulty. My broken-open heart always reveals to me that the experience can always help me break open into greater strength, acceptance, and awakening. This isn’t a new revelation, of course: All the great spiritual masters seem to share this common message.
Sitting in the discomfort until you manage to crack that shell is probably the hardest part of the journey, but it is necessary. After all, these feelings are simply a sign that something major is changing in your life, shifting like a river under ice.
Strategies that Help You Move from Hopeless to Hopeful
I’ve found a few strategies for easing the discomfort, though: one is to slow down and get a feel for what’s going on. If you feel compelled to distract yourself from the pain, try to keep it simple: Meditation, prayer, body work in the form of acupuncture, massage or yoga, and other kinds of exercise, like long walks, may be helpful.
Another strategy is to stay active and engaged in our lives. Play with your children, do the work to pay your bills, prepare meals, fold laundry. The feelings of loss, confusion, and fear will happen to us whether we’re active in the world or not, and it’s not avoidance to take up what the world insists on presenting to us. What’s important is not turning away from what’s going on on the inside.
You can still go and do and listen to the messages coming from deep inside. But I think it helps if you can carve out some time – even ten minutes if that’s all you have – to be alone and follow the current where it takes you instead of paddling against it. I, for one, have learned that nothing I want is upstream.
What You Resist Persists
And the amazing thing, too, is that we learn the lessons that are waiting for us so much more quickly when we follow the current. It’s like Eckhart Tolle says “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist persists.”
One final key to getting through the pain is acceptance. I have learned that this is not the time for action. And so, instead of trying to compel myself to do something, anything, to feel better, I’ve found relief from the difficult emotions by simply finding better-feeling thoughts. And knowing that this, too, will pass.
I’ve learned that soon enough I will feel inspired to act. And even when I’ve felt the first impetus to act – even then – I’ve found that the most direct, linear path may not be the one that gets me to my destination.
Finding Your Right Path
Even when I felt sure that I was on the right path, things have still gone wrong or taken too long. In those moments I’ve learned to keep looking for signposts—indications that, despite my doubts, I am making progress. And then I find those signposts, and can return to the flow.
Often our lives are made of a series of challenging events. Maybe we can’t look forward to them with joyful anticipation, but we can accept them with equanimity. We can negotiate them with acceptance and a willingness to grow and change. And the reward? Your deeper, wiser soul will emerge from your broken-open heart.
If you’d like to find out more, click the button below and schedule a free, 15-minute call with me. We’ll discuss how I may be able to help you find more equanimity in your life.