School can be a major source of stress for many children. The stress will often manifest in school refusal. When kids go to school, they may express even more concerning behaviors. Unfortunately this likely becomes a vicious cycle. Children often end up thinking there’s something wrong with them or that they’re a burden to their parents, teachers, and classmates.
Why kids struggle and how to help
Academically, children may be struggling with learning disabilities or are simply not interested in the material they’re being taught. Socially, children may be bullied or feel like they don’t belong. Again, the sad reality is that if they’re struggling, they’ll likely feel like something is wrong with them.
When school refusal is happening a lot, you may want to drop the expectation that they go to school. If they don’t have to go to school, it’s very likely that they’ll experience less stress. And then it’s very likely that there will be a correlating decrease in concerning behaviors. They will be able to relax and focus on their own interests. They will more likely feel accepted, supported, and loved.
Of course, not all children will experience a decrease in their concerning behaviors when they are no longer expected to go to school. Some children may still struggle with stress and anxiety, even if they’re not in school. However, for many children, removing the stressors of school can make a big difference in their lives.
Here are some tips:
- Be patient: It takes time to figure out exactly what’s creating difficulties for your child. But if you stay focused on what’s making your child’s life difficult (think of it as the infection, like a flu), and not on their concerning behaviors (which are the symptoms, like a fever), you will figure it out.
- Be supportive: Let your child know that you are there for them and that you support them and love them no matter what. Tell them explicitly that they’re not the problem and they’re not in trouble because they’re having a hard time in school.
- Encourage them to explore their interests: Help your child to find activities that they enjoy and that make them happy. This will help mitigate the negative messages they’re getting about having a hard time in school.
- Help them to connect with other people: Encourage your child to connect with other people who share their interests and appreciate them for exactly who they are – not just because they’re “good” at school.
- Seek professional help: If you’re worried about your child’s concerning behaviors and the impact their having on them, your family, or their school, you may want to seek professional help.
At Asheville Family Counseling, we’re always happy to help! If you’d like to find out how we can help, call/text Asheville Family Counseling at 828-761-3149 and set up a completely free, 15-minute exploratory session.